Unknown Silence’s Neighborhood

As 2009 ended on a slow and awkward note, 2010 entered painlessly marking the beginning of a new decade. Aside from my last minute private reflections of 2009, I didn't take up my cousin's offer to attend her soiree at her place and I didn't spend the final eve of 2009 on someone's dance floor like I really wanted to. It was a "quiet" evening with the family, though I took to a little escape.

While everyone was downstairs whooping it up on the new Wii game system or looking at a bootleg copy of Michael Jackson's "This Is It," I stayed upstairs to close out 2009 by completing some left over duties. More importantly, I tackled my Yahoo email account. It had been ages since I regularly checked every incoming email. Nowadays I just spot check for anything of importance while leaving thousands of emails unopened. Though family and friends still contact me at that address, I'm more prone to use my Hotmail and Gmail accounts. Right now, messages from my woman's writing group take over my Yahoo inbox.

Without much thought, I began mass deleting all unopened emails from any and everyone. I figured if I haven't read it by now, the issue or topic is dead. No need to further forward or even reply. I discovered I had open and unopened emails from 2005, 2006 and 2007. Some of them I reopened to refresh what could me and whomever have so much to say via the internet in five or more emails with the same topic. I found old pictures emailed to me of me dancing in a bar and other little photos friends have emailed for whatever reason or another. Some I kept, some I deleted. Some of those emails brought back feelings of being quasi-carefree while still under the weight of life going awry. Other emails brought on a sense of sadness as some folks I don't even communicate with any more.

I cleaned house (sorta speak) because 1). I was sick of logging onto Yahoo to see I have nearly 3,000 unread emails. 2). I just felt I needed to be proactive and ridding myself of old things. Since the renovations to the house took care of that process already, I still felt weighed by old issues...old things. So I looked to my email accounts.

I've have this overwhelming urge to swim again. Not in the sense that's been presented to me in dreams with the meaning of cleansing; but I really do want to go swimming. Perhaps it is still tied into the whole "cleansing" process I've been in since the latter part of 2008. Maybe I just want to shake away all those micro insecurity jitters I've been feeling lately. If there is ever a time I need a boost in my confidence it is this year. The new year is already chock full of finishing line goals as well as new ones I'm stepping into. I feel myself stepping back to a humble place, but so humble I'm becoming a bit intimidated by what's placed before me. I need to break out of that shell... the shell of fear.

Fear as been on the back burner for the last few months, but it's starting to show. Can I handle the tasks before me? After all, this is what I am trained and love to do. Maybe me cleaning out my inbox was a diversion to keep me from sitting down and quietly map out a strategy for execution for each task.

So far, not sure how to feel about 2010. All I know is, I have one more week of rest before I hit the ground running. Then again I've already begun to run with a couple of telephone meetings to discuss a couple of projects. This is real....real as anything.

2010...a time to truly shine.

Read this PLEASE!!

About an hour ago I was at a Walmart in Florida with my Mom minding my own business. All of a sudden I heard a toddler say to the adult that he was with, "shut up, N*gger." My mouth dropped, my heart cringed and I was dumbfounded.